A in-process showing from Act II of, Rough Magic, an Operatic Ritual.
The transcript:
Again, you have to be logical. You know, if I know in this hotel room, they have food every day and I'm knocking on the door every day to eat and they tell it, they open the door. Let me see the party. Let me see. Like them throwing salami all over. I mean, just like throwing food around. Well, you're telling me there's no food in here. You know what I'm saying? Every day I'm standing outside trying to sing my way in. You know what I'm saying? We hungry. Please let us in. We’re hungry. Please let us in. After about a week. That song is going to change to -
[Movements cue / fade out Pre-show party]
- We hungry. We need some food. After 2 to 3 weeks. It's like, you know, give me all the food, we breaking down the door. After a year, it’s like, you know what I’m sayin - I'm picking the lock, coming through the door blasting! You know what I’m sayin, it’s like you hungry - you have reached the level you don't want it any more. We asked ten years ago, we was asking with the Panthers, we was asking with them, you know, the civil rights movement was asking, you know, now that those people that were asking are dead and in jail. So now what do you think we're going to do?]
Tantalus: Another king, like Sisyphus. Another fallen king…
Tantalus was loved by many of the gods. In fact, they would invite him to dinner with them on Mount Olympus, like all the time, a real fun guy, a real crowd pleaser…
But he constantly felt unappreciated - he was cousin Greg in Succession [Cousin greg cue] - it’s Greg… he felt like he deserved more… So, one evening while having dinner with the gods, Tantalus gets itchy, decides to steal some ambrosia and nectar- godly food and godly drink. He steals and takes it back to his mortal friends like, “Yo party people, look what I got. Dat fresh ambrosia and nectar! Get it while it’s hot!!”
But that’s not enough, no, he can’t stop there, he’s greedy. Homeboy then proceeds to steal one of Zeus’ favorite pets, a golden dog. [Bark cue]
Yo, did you not think I wouldn’t notice my golden dog gone missing? [Bark cue]
Anyway, here’s this king who has everything he needs and everything is good with him and then he goes and commits all these crimes against the Gods [Bark cue] … Why wasn’t what he had enough?
So, Zeus - does what he does best punishes him to an eternity of lack and desperation. [Cut Sound]
You fallen king who wanted so badly to be like us, be like the gods, to be more than what you are, you now live in a pool of cool, refreshing water, thirsty as all hell, but if you want to take a drink of the water it will vanish, leaving you forever thirsty.
Hungry, wildly hungry, with this yummy fruit tree nearby, look at those branches heavy with delicious fruit, but the fruit isn’t close enough, is it? Infuriatingly close, just out of grasp. Forever starving.
What was Tantalus supposed to do? [I gave it all for a fantasy cue]
The gods rubbed their success, wealth, and lavish amber nectar, golden dog lifestyle in his face. [Bark cue] + [Fantasy cue]
And when he tries to get a piece of that life, this is what he gets.
[Brent Vamp cue]
If I were Zeus and someone really upset me, I would tantalize them with a lifetime of seeing the posting, selling and bragging of everyone else... I would make them feel like things on their tiny screens plastered to their tiny little hands mattered... I would steal time from them endlessly and they wouldn’t even know it... relationships would crumble because there would always be the illusion of someone prettier, smarter, funnier, more flexible, better teeth, better skin, richer, more yoked, more spiritual, more healed, more diverse, more woke, the way their brand new tesla slides down the street while my prius is praying for another day, oh and they compost while making their own kombucha while conducting a moon ceremony in Bali - all of that is just a click and a swipe away… [I gave it all for a fantasy cue]
[cut sound]
Now we use the word ‘tantalizing’ to describe something that is desired but remains out of reach. Desired because I’m aware of its existence, aware that someone holds it. Out of reach because it isn’t yet mine to have. Will it ever be mine?
Tantalizing are the days I could fall Asleep anywhere.
[Don Jose Que plays through to its end]
I’m telling you, you remember that - as kids we could just pass out and wake up the next morning and suddenly you were home?
I slept through family parties with 40 of my cousins blaring salsa music.
I slept as my parents bachata to the car
They salsa’d me out the car, then cumbia’d me into bed.
I slept through all of it.
Now / a car drives by / I’m up.
A leaf drops / I’m up.
I want to rest like I did as a child.
Rest without control.
Rest knowing - papi, todo bien / it’s all okay
Descansar…
/
Before the world said -
do more,
be more,
make more,
have more.
Before the pit in my stomach
Before grasping / desperation.
Before I wasn’t allowed to be carefree.
Before I plugged in and had to survive.
Before hustle, envy and social media.
/
Rest pre giving a fuck what anybody else is doing or thinking.
Rest - no matter where I close my eyes I’ll make it home.
Descansar… Rest - I’m supported and okay.
[Faiths Hymn]
In my childhood home, above my bed was my first vision board, every day I woke up and I saw what I wanted to become, and from the thirty-thousand-foot view, according to childhood me, so many of my goals, aspirations, and dreams have come true. I have crossed off so many things off the to-do list and yet – – –
more always seem to pile up - the pit inside me of more more more remains.
I too feel like cousin Greg sometimes [Cousin greg cue], - it's still Greg…. doing anything to get a piece of the pie that has been tantalizing me my whole life. Tantalized by so much shiny shit associated with the American dream, upward mobility, capitalism, making it. I have gone after these tantalizing things and I feel like they have done nothing but keep me tired.
[Get Free, Mereba]
I look at my mentors, friends, all these people in my life that I look up to - a career I look up to. A savings account I look up to. A brownstone in the city I look up to. A loft in Soho. Property. Owning things. A resume. Creating I look up to. The financial freedom to pay for their child’s college education I look up to.
And yet, they too wake up every day unrested, they wake up every day tired, tantalized by what they do not yet have, even though they have so much. They wake up thinking they were overlooked. Thinking when am I going to get my shot. Every day seeing somebody else who got something else that they didn’t get. I look up to them, but I do not look up to that. And yet I feel closest to that.
…
There is this persistent and nagging story in me, I can’t seem to shake..
It says I’m not trying to get by, I’m trying to get free.
I’m not trying to get by, I’m trying to get free.
It says I'm somebody's American Dream. people who rely on me. A dream that sells freedom, wrapped in shiny words like – “making it” & “success”
It says stay up / hustle / the early bird gets the worm.
What if I don’t like worms?
Sleep when I’m dead.
What if I like sleep now?
I’m not trying to get by, I’m trying to get free
I’m not trying for check to check. I’m trying to get free.
Am I not free right now? Right here?
Raise your hand if you want to be free.
Raise your hand if you are free.
Raise your hand if you are craving more moments that are soft.
Raise your hand if you are craving moments that aren't harsh on our beautiful bodies or souls.
Moments that are gentle.
Moments where we can exhale just as deeply as we are able to breathe.
(Breathe)
Moments that meet us with care.
Moments easy like Sunday morning.
Raise your hand if you want more rest.
That’s a lot of hands.
[Yebba’s Heartbreak, Drake, Yebba]
I used to date an addict, a functioning one, but an addict. She would always tell me, “Chris, if you took in what was really happening, you’d see that life is a monkey on your back. You ride around in your car, do all the shit you think you’re supposed to do, dance when they say dance, run, jump, try, and the people you love die, you sacrifice people for your incompleteness, you don’t feel safe... You’ve been fooling yourself all your life thinking there was a next thing to do to keep the show going. Then one day you decide, “o shit, I don’t have to play their game anymore.” You get off the track. And it feels good, better than good, better than half them suckas out there trying so fucking hard, convincing themselves they’re happy, convincing themselves of everything but what’s really going on... Meanwhile god is whispering, fuck god is yelling, surrender to what’s here, don’t hang around in the race that was never intended for you. No race. Just this. [cut sound] Why not let yourself be free?”
Why not let myself be free? Why? I want to be free but - [Gary V mouth]
This is exactly what I hear when I try to get free - [Gary V mouth]
Executives and higher-ups say this right before they say [the data is undeniable cue]
Undeniable, as if they are doing me a favor, as if they’ve never seen a movie with a white lady with an umbrella who knew [sugar cue]
It really does- then again, their news might not be medicine. [sugar cue]
The people who handle money are often not in the business of handing out medicine. [hustle harder cue]
I don’t wanna hustle harder [do more cue]
I don’t wanna do more. [view counts cue]
In the thousands!? How dare you! Gross! Me, the artist, and my art baby [baby cry] aren’t performing as they would like [serve the viewer cue]
Serve the viewer, forget about yourself Chris [Lost me cue]
We need more [Mil subscribers cue]
In one month?! [mil of followers cue]
Millions [british million cue]
A Million - A million - The market (every market) is saturated and they want me to be the savior. [that's what social media is for cue]
When my art isn’t viral enough [if you wanna go viral cue]
They tell me to work harder [Try Harder cue]
Make more [Try Harder cue]
Do more [Harder cue]
Be more [Harder cue]
Not only did I make, nurture and birth this art baby [baby cry], now I have to sell you my child too [baby cry] - [8-15 posts que]
8 to 15 pieces of content Every Day… Is this why Spotify CEO Daniel Ek said that artists need to work harder, “You can’t record music once every three to four years and think that’s going to be enough, the artists that are making it realize that it’s about creating a continuous engagement and about keeping a continuous dialogue with your fans.”
Continuous engagement and continuous dialogue. Continuous.
Every Day [baby cry]
…
I take it that Daniel Ek has never made anything artistic in his life. He might understand the bugs bunny mathematix [what’s up doc cue] of paying an artist less than a penny per stream [mathematix cue]
- but he don’t know art.
Most CEO’s and C suite execs don’t understand the amount of time [watch tick cue] and energy and spirit it takes to actually cultivate anything truly artistic.
People who can never be pleased. Who can never be satisfied because their job is to look for what is next, always what is next - what is next - what is next. They are deacons of the church of consumerism [church cue] - consumerism is the true religion of America [we need money cue]
Chris, don’t rest, do more. [If you’re not filming your video cue]
Produce product. [Here are 3 ways to do this cue]
But what about… [what's your excuse cue]
[no one cares who you are cue]
[media is all that's left cue]
[lace em up cue]
[all that we need is more]
[sofa surfers cue]
More more more - more isn’t what we need. Is it? I want to do less and hopefully there will be more.
Things aren’t being created but mass produced. It’s fast fashion, trendy and cheap, but also not meant to last.
It’s product, it’s lies, it’s oppressive, dangerous, desperately trying to fit some sort of [algorithm cue]
If I only make something according to this [algorithm cue], only to be seen, because it worked for others, there's a cap on my thinking.
Why am I making this in the first place? Who’s it for? What does it cost me when I share just to say [look at me cue cacophony] look at me - look at me -look at me -
Was I bored, anxious, do I need someone to know I’m still here, am I afraid of being forgotten? [look at me low cue]
[cut music] …
I know I’m not the only one here with anxiety-filled days and stressful nights.
Is it a coincidence that Society rhymes with Anxiety? [more cue built live on a loop] More productivity, more busyness, more more more - taking more from my physical and mental health than any check can give in return.
[alice in wonderland cue]
More- more - more -more - more -
It’s like the Red Queen in Alice in Wonderland. She runs incredibly fast - but she never seems to get anywhere. She tells Alice, “In my country, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place.” [I’m late que]
I feel like an employee who walks into his boss’s office and asks for a raise [I’m late que]. The boss says– I can’t raise your salary but if you want to earn more money, all you need to do is work more hours. Don’t go home, don’t sleep, don’t go to brunch, don’t go see your mom on the weekends, miss the funeral and the birthday party, stay here, deliver product - more - more -more. [I’m late que]
The French believed that a dream was a place where a wish and a fear came together. When the wish and the fear are exactly the same, the dream is a nightmare. [cut sound]
I wish to be content. Isn’t it wild that content and to be content are the exact same spelling. To even think about being content reminds you that you are most certainly content. [content cue]
more more more - Capitalism says that matter and product is all that exists, that everything is made of it, and nothing exists outside of it.
But this isn’t true, because according to physics – at everything’s core, there’s actually nothing. Even objects as solid as rocks and chairs, have nothing substantial at their core.
So here I am sweating for something that is empty at its core. And when it finally comes I don’t even know how to enjoy it because I’m onto the next. What’s the point of it all if I can’t enjoy it?
[Not disappointed cue]
Imagine the art one could make if money was never a concern. [Gave a shit cue]
Imagine the medicinal and powerful statements one could make if art was free of its need to be liked and shared.
How about just making things and sharing them for the beauty of sharing. This is the vital function of the imagination, we can create worlds and inhabit them and invite people into them, and that inviting in is such an important part.
[Let me Live, Duendita]
The deepest human need is not for another piece of viral content, sorry to break it to you, but rather for spirituality, connection, transcendence of everyday experience and self.
This is what we’re trying to do here: initiate a conversation between ourselves and the people who are engaging with our spirits. This kind of collaboration, this reaching out and making connections, is part of the magic. Part of the enchantment, to be able to share this.
Our job as artists is to bring you the unavoidable truths of the situation. Even in intense suffering there can be dignity and beauty; even in the face of destruction and persecution there can be hope.
That’s what the Greeks did. It’s not about good messages, it’s about truth. They told us, Your world is about to fall apart, it’s about to collapse. Save it, now, before it’s too late.
Art is at the heart of what it is to be human, what it is to be in our time, what it means to be part of a civilization.
Art will be part of the future, and it will help to shape whatever future that will be.
I now choose to rest and remember that it’s not the things I make, own, or share that determine who I am.
[Kendrick Lamar, Count Me Out Sample - This time around, I trust myself]
I simply am.
[Kendrick Lamar, Count Me Out Sample - Please everybody else but myself]
I exist regardless of whatever thing I’m “showing” or “sharing.” I exist.
[Kendrick Lamar, Count Me Out Sample - All else fails, I was myself]
Regardless of how many folks see it.
[Kendrick Lamar, Count Me Out Sample - Out done fear, out done myself]
I exist, my worth is HIGH
[Kendrick Lamar, Count Me Out Sample - This time around, I trust myself]
So is yours…
[Kendrick Lamar, Count Me Out Sample - Please everybody else but myself]
Fuck the numbers, awards, dollars and press.
[Kendrick Lamar, Count Me Out Sample - All else fails, I was myself]
A bank account could never match your worth
[Kendrick Lamar, Count Me Out Sample - Out done fear, out done myself]
[cut sound]
You are far more divine and grander.
The true measure of success is a calm nervous system. Going to bed and waking up in peace.
Instead of, “have I worked hard enough to deserve rest?” I now ask, “have I rested enough to do my most loving and meaningful work?”
… I got two words: [Tyler, the creator - Sorry Not Sorry - 2:58 - 3:00]
Fuck Em’
…
[Yoga studio + Goapele cue]
It’s said that yogis created asanas - the physical practice we currently refer to as yoga in our lulu lemon candlelit heated filled studios - in order to rest.
Thousands of years meditating and yogis decided that we should exhaust the body in order to rest, in order to finally fall into place.
This exhaustion is necessary for the rest. Allowing me to rest.
[add Closer, Goapele]
I’m ready to Rest.
Rest, like the cats on the highway who drive a steady 38 and are just chillen. Cool as hell. No rush in them whatsoever. No need to flex on no one. Chillen. Lately, they are my gurus.
If I can’t simply be where I am, I will never truly arrive. So, I might as well Rest.
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